The amazing thing about this award is the amount of time I have been given to learn and reflect. Teachers are never trusted with this much time for self-directed learning. TToday is a perfect example. I spent the morning in a school, watching a great teacher help students analyze NZ anti-Chinese cartoons published in the early 1900s and then talking with him about the lesson. Then I spent the afternoon reading. I read articles about culturally relevant pedagogy that I should have read years ago. Scratch that, articles that I should have read as an undergrad. The thing is, I went to a college that wasn't exactly pushing the envelope when it came to education. I remember thinking the education department prepared me as well as could be expected. Now I look back on the experience and think "WTF. Did you teach me anything?" I'm sure the "truth" is somewhere in between, but it's hard to know, because I was a different person then.
To add to my ignorance, I had an amazing experience at HGSE doing my master's degree, but the expectation was that you had already read all of the foundational texts related to progressive education. While there I began to learn all the things a Christian college in the midwest never teaches you, but it was definitely "behind" in some ways. And then I made the genius decision to go back to school in Utah. Let's just say Hope College was cutting edge in comparison to the Education Dept. at U of U. If I think about it too much, I get really angry how much money I spent, but I went in knowing it was a completely pragmatic degree and I try to be okay with that.
Anyway, point being, I sometimes feel very far behind when it comes to what I'm "supposed to know." On one hand, who cares? But on the other hand, I do. I like thinking about theories to explain and critique the social world and want to be well-read in that way.
Here in NZ, I am having a chance to do all the reading I never got to do. I am nerding out, big time. I mean, who doesn't want to spend an afternoon reading things like How the past weighs in on the present: Social representations of history and their role in identity politics? (Liu, J. and Hilton, D., 2005) I have time to think about what good teaching looks like (topic for another post) and time to challenge my own thinking about what kind of teacher I am and where I want to go, professionally. None of this would be possible without a Fulbright. I could read and reflect at home, in theory, and Fulbright could save themselves the cost of my flight. But in reality, being in another country destabilizes what you take for granted about teaching and learning. It removes you from everything else happening in your life, so your only choice is to spend a lot of time focused on your personal and professional development.
However, the very things that makes this award so great are also what bring me some sadness. Personally speaking, it's hard to feel like I've met the love of my life and now the person and life I've waited for for so long has to wait a little longer. And to know there's a 10-year old back home, who I'm only beginning to know, but who I want to know so badly... that's pretty unfun too. If I'm honest, there are moments when I feel like "let's just hurry up and get this over with so I can work on building my life at home."
Professionally, it's a little weird to be so engaged in work that feels very important to me, but to know that when I go home it will fade into the background. I don't have a job or a community of colleagues who respect me as an educator. No one is going to say "tell me about what you learned in New Zealand" and want a detailed answer.
And, if I'm honest, it's hard being in New Zealand, which is not without problems, but feels so far ahead of the US. I think of all the things in place to affirm Maori language and culture and to recognize that they are inseparable... and I just get overwhelmed thinking about kids back home, who are being asked to do the impossible and then will be blamed when they fail. It's heartbreaking, and honestly I feel relatively powerless to stop it. All the things I believe they deserve-- teachers who look like them, speak their language, and can help them navigate multiple worlds-- I am not able to be for them. Sure, I can be an "ally" but sometimes that feels like such an empty gesture. Hell, what I am supposed to do, just say "Hey Somali community, how about you just do what they did in New Zealand and start yourself some Kōhanga Reos? Never mind the fact that Trump is openly spewing hate-speech against you and even "nice" Minnesotans have no time for anyone who argues that you could get a high school diploma in another language." Yeah, that'll work.
In summary, six months set aside to be challenged and learn, (while living in one of the more beautiful places on the planet) is a gift I don't take lightly. For now I guess I'll just keep reading and observing and taking it all in.
To add to my ignorance, I had an amazing experience at HGSE doing my master's degree, but the expectation was that you had already read all of the foundational texts related to progressive education. While there I began to learn all the things a Christian college in the midwest never teaches you, but it was definitely "behind" in some ways. And then I made the genius decision to go back to school in Utah. Let's just say Hope College was cutting edge in comparison to the Education Dept. at U of U. If I think about it too much, I get really angry how much money I spent, but I went in knowing it was a completely pragmatic degree and I try to be okay with that.
Anyway, point being, I sometimes feel very far behind when it comes to what I'm "supposed to know." On one hand, who cares? But on the other hand, I do. I like thinking about theories to explain and critique the social world and want to be well-read in that way.
Here in NZ, I am having a chance to do all the reading I never got to do. I am nerding out, big time. I mean, who doesn't want to spend an afternoon reading things like How the past weighs in on the present: Social representations of history and their role in identity politics? (Liu, J. and Hilton, D., 2005) I have time to think about what good teaching looks like (topic for another post) and time to challenge my own thinking about what kind of teacher I am and where I want to go, professionally. None of this would be possible without a Fulbright. I could read and reflect at home, in theory, and Fulbright could save themselves the cost of my flight. But in reality, being in another country destabilizes what you take for granted about teaching and learning. It removes you from everything else happening in your life, so your only choice is to spend a lot of time focused on your personal and professional development.
However, the very things that makes this award so great are also what bring me some sadness. Personally speaking, it's hard to feel like I've met the love of my life and now the person and life I've waited for for so long has to wait a little longer. And to know there's a 10-year old back home, who I'm only beginning to know, but who I want to know so badly... that's pretty unfun too. If I'm honest, there are moments when I feel like "let's just hurry up and get this over with so I can work on building my life at home."
Professionally, it's a little weird to be so engaged in work that feels very important to me, but to know that when I go home it will fade into the background. I don't have a job or a community of colleagues who respect me as an educator. No one is going to say "tell me about what you learned in New Zealand" and want a detailed answer.
And, if I'm honest, it's hard being in New Zealand, which is not without problems, but feels so far ahead of the US. I think of all the things in place to affirm Maori language and culture and to recognize that they are inseparable... and I just get overwhelmed thinking about kids back home, who are being asked to do the impossible and then will be blamed when they fail. It's heartbreaking, and honestly I feel relatively powerless to stop it. All the things I believe they deserve-- teachers who look like them, speak their language, and can help them navigate multiple worlds-- I am not able to be for them. Sure, I can be an "ally" but sometimes that feels like such an empty gesture. Hell, what I am supposed to do, just say "Hey Somali community, how about you just do what they did in New Zealand and start yourself some Kōhanga Reos? Never mind the fact that Trump is openly spewing hate-speech against you and even "nice" Minnesotans have no time for anyone who argues that you could get a high school diploma in another language." Yeah, that'll work.
In summary, six months set aside to be challenged and learn, (while living in one of the more beautiful places on the planet) is a gift I don't take lightly. For now I guess I'll just keep reading and observing and taking it all in.